“Dear Edie the Salsa Freak,
I’m having a major problem. I just moved from lively [Big City], to a quiet and quaint [small town],. Back in [Big City] I took some Salsa classes and fell in love with the sport of it. There is a dance at the state park this coming weekend and I am going to it. My boyfriend, on the other hand, said that, and I quote, he “doesn’t want to look like a fool” in front of everyone else.
What can I do to make him want to dance with me? Plus, I want this little town to realize that they could do so much more with a little excitement of Salsa in their lives. Is there anyone around the vicinity of [small town] that can give me some tips?
Thanks so much, –
Dying to Dance with my Boyfriend, and Change this Small Town… “
Dear Dying to Dance with my Boyfriend and Change this Small Town…
Because your event is this weekend, don’t force him to dance, or do anything he doesn’t want to do. REMEMBER: A man convinced against his WILL is of the same opinion STILL. If he is traumatized this weekend by YOU, at your “forcing” him to dance, then he probably WILL look stupid, and he’ll REALLY feel like a fool, and his evil-eye glares will be directed at YOU, then you’ll get into a HUGE ARGUMENT, and will consider breaking up.
I can already see it. Plain as day.
If you didn’t know already, then God placed me on this planet to tell you, that men have EXTREMELY LARGE egos, and the male ego needs to be treated like a very fragile exquisite glass ornament. Once the male ego is damaged – especially by a woman, it is irreparable, without proper counseling or mature forgiveness on his part, and yours.
By telling you he’ll look like a fool, he’s already speaking into existence a self-fulfilling prophesy. What’s worse, if you do force him to go, or worse, DANCE, he will NEVER EVER want to learn in the future, and may even develop a resentment against YOU… then the mere SOUND of Salsa, every time you mention it or play it in the future will UN-nerve him.
The music itself must naturally pull him in – NOT YOU.
It won’t if he doesn’t need it.
I truly believe that we as Salseros are CHOSEN to love the music and dance. Not everyone likes Salsa music. Not everyone is strongly attracted to it like you and I. Like a drug, the music itself, draws those, who need it. Salsa music draws the people who are looking for an escape from reality for a while. Salsa numbs our pain and helps us to forget our responsibilities and sense of reality. I’ve also noticed that those with addictive or codependent behavior are taken in very easily. Salsa takes us away to a fantasy land where there is no pain, no sorrow, no problems, and no guilt.
Watch your jobs, pay your bills, nurture your non-Salsa relationships – keep a good head on your shoulders as you’re experiencing Salsa. This music can be more addicting, and powerful than any drug if not treated with respect, and danced in moderation.
Remember: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force him to drink.
In the meantime, what you CAN do, is invest in some instructional videos for the both of you to learn from in the privacy of your own home – privately.
Our Beginner’s Step-by-Step DVDs or a Black Belt Salsa group class would be excellent for the both of you to start with. He can watch that a few times on his own, and/or with you, and literally go dancing, and make you (and him) look like you’ve been dancing for months! We explain basic moves very clearly. He’ll do just fine after the both of you have a look. It’s very comprehensive. If you want, print out my Beginner’s Column for him to read BUT ONLY IF HE’S INTERESTED. You also may want to consider reading the book, “Co-dependent No More” by Melody Beattie. I can see some controlling tendencies on your part that you probably need to address.
Just remember, don’t ever force him, nor anyone else, to do anything they don’t feel comfortable doing.
– Edie, The Salsa FREAK!!