OK. So I was dancing with this guy the other night…..
…. and his breath smelled like DINNER.
I could almost tell you specifically what he ate, and yes, it included GARLIC and ONIONS. I didn’t realize this however (as most of us don’t) until we were about 10 seconds into the song and HE STARTS SINGING OUT LOUD TO THE MUSIC – like he’s serenading me or something! He was really starting to enjoy this, and I was really getting more and more annoyed…
I wanted to tell him that I appreciated the gesture, that I appreciated his wonderful voice (NOT), and that his singing IN MY FACE was really not necessary…
BUT REALLY I JUST WANTED TO TELL HIM TO CLOSE HIS MOUTH
AND HUM IF HE HAD TO!!!
So what did I do? I TOLERATED him until the song was over. I guess I’m just too nice to do anything else. The only offensive thing he did to me was BREATHE OUT, but since that physical ability is highly recommended for dancing AND LIVING no less, I didn’t really have any justifiable reason to walk off the dance floor.
I did my usual “good deed”, and after the song was over, pulled him aside, and very gently and quietly whispered in his ear…
“YOU SMELL LIKE GARLIC – like, REAL BAD.”
Check this. He couldn’t understand me, because HE DIDN’T SPEAK ENGLISH. So I tried to say it in Spanish, but forgot how to say it! I didn’t want to spend too much time on this, so I tried to use sign language and “act out” what his breath smelled like. He just stood there, with a blank look, staring at me like I was AN ALIEN or something. After a few seconds of BREATH CHARADES, I gave up, and swore I would learn how to say “YOUR BREATH SMELLS” in Spanish.
Sounds rude, but SOMEONE’s got to tell these people! Geez!