The Asking, Asking a Woman to Dance

The asking, asking a woman to dance, asking to dance, asking someone to dance,
Asking a woman to dance. The Asking.

Dear Edie
My Salsa-spirit is taking a down-turn. I am finally getting the nerve to ask women to dance at the clubs but they all say no. I have never danced at this club, so it can’t be the way I dance. I always shower/shave/brush before I go out, and I dress nice. I am polite and just ask “would you like to dance”. Then they say no thank you. After three no thank you’s I lose my nerve and self-confidence. This is only really a problem at one particular club, but it is where the best dancers are. I would just chalk it up to my lack of dance experience, except none of them have ever seen me dance.

I am practicing every day, but I have no partner, so leading is my weak point. I think I am too afraid of throwing the girl around, so I am not strong enough. But I can’t know without trying. I am doing great at the group lessons. I have the rhythm. I love the music. I love the dance. No one will give me a shot at the real-clubs. (as opposed to the ‘beginner’s night’ group lesson I mentioned)

Is it because I am not Latin, that they assume I must suck and so say no? Is there some sort of clique? I don’t smoke/drink so it can’t be my breath. I am a good looking guy, in my opinion. I dress well, again in my opinion. What am I doing wrong? For all they know about me, I could be the best dancer in the world! Is it because I am showing up alone? Do they assume I am some sort of loser?

Please help! I am addicted but can’t get my fix!
– Frustrated Salsa Addict

Dear Frustrated,
Hang in there. Find one woman who is willing to dance with you – she doesn’t have to be GREAT, but find one, and practice during the evening with her. It may also help to take a private from one of the “male greats” in your city. Ask THEM what it takes, and they may even introduce you to women they KNOW will dance with you. (Luis does this with me all the time…)

Try it. Don’t worry. Every guy goes through this. Just play the numbers game.

Keep asking with your hand extended and a warm smile.

Make sure you spread your legs in a V-shape, and put a couple of imaginary tangerines under your arm pits when you ask her.
Sometimes being “over-the-top” with chivalry works:

You can even get down on one knee, do a spin on the floor and extend your arm!!!
(yes, while on one knee – I teach this in my Men’s Styling workshops and Beginner Full-Imersion Bootcamps).

I’m an extremist, so if you go out of your way to ask me in an unbelievably, masculine, prince-like AWESOME manner, “HELL YES!!! I WILL DANCE WITH YOU!!
Beginner or not! I don’t care!! He deserves ALL MY ATTENTION at that point! Woo Hoo!!! Of course!! I want my fantasy – and I can SEE that he wants to GIVE IT TO ME!!! Oh yea!!!

DO NOT VERBALLY ASK HER… simply extend your hand out to her. She will say yes. Just watch. If you don’t verbally “ask”, she can never say “no”.

When the women see that you’re dancing is getting better and better, they will say “no” less and less. Men I’ve trained used to get rejected CONSTANTLY. As a woman, I would get rejected all the time as well. IT SUCKED!!!! Remember my story? I just kept taking privates and kept taking privates, and danced with my instructor, until I KNEW I could do it, and ask with confidence.

That may be another personality problem you have. Are you asking with confidence?

Are you a complete jerk when you ask her?

“So do you wanna DANCE.. or just SIT THERE!!?”

When you approach a woman, do you ask her politely to dance, or do you just look into her eyes, smile, and extend your hand, KNOWING she’ll want to dance with you? (the latter is sexier and works 90% of the time – especially when you play the male domineering type – women LOVE that!)

“EXPECT” that she’ll accept your hand. Speak it into existence. Make it happen, and it will work. Expect it. Never 2nd guess yourself. Convince yourself in your mind that you are the greatest, the “baddest” dancer of all time, and believe it or not, your energy will exude throughout the room. Funny how it works that way. Never, never, never feel you’re not “good enough”. Others can feel what you feel, so NEVER feel it.

Believe you will give her the BEST dance / fantasy of the night… and that’s it. Period.

Go in with that attitude this weekend. Then tell me how it went.

Happy Dancing!
– Edie, The Salsa FREAK!!
Edie The Salsa FREAK!! Website