Why is it that Guys in the Salsa Scene Just Don’t Seem to be “Interested” in Dating?
By Edie, The Salsa FREAK!!
I’m a woman, and go out dancing all the time. I meet a lot of great people (men) but it’s been several months now, and not a single one of them has asked me out… I’m not that bad looking, have even been told that I’m a “looker”, and “outside” the Salsa scene I have no problem dating men. But I’m finding that in the Salsa scene, all these great guys want to do is…”DANCE”. This strikes me as COMPLETELY ODD. As a woman, I’m not used to… well, being ignored.
I’ve NEVER had a problem attracting men. Ever.
It seems like these great dancers get to the clubs, dance with all the girls… THEN THEY LEAVE!! Even if I approach them and show interest… they are OUT THE DOOR.
I had a couple “one night stands”, but I want something more meaningful – something that will last. It would be great if the man of my dreams would be an amazing dancer as well. I’m starting to question myself, but I know for a FACT there is nothing wrong with me! I look pretty hot out there, so what’s up with THESE SALSA GUYS??
– Frustrated Salsera.
Dear Frustrated Salsera,
Well girlfriend, you’ve discovered something that took me twenty years to finally figure out.
WELCOME TO THE TRUE COLORS OF THE SALSA SCENE.
Thank God you asked this question. I’ve been dying to answer it!
OK Let’s get this started sister!
Your frustration could be one of three challenges:
- You are so beautiful you intimidate men.
- You are too good of a dancer, or instructor, so you intimidate men.
- The guys you are interested in may have over time realized that they no longer want to
“SH_ _ I *&^T where they eat”. Figuratively speaking.
Instead of using Salsa to meet “The Man of Your Dreams”, you may want to use Salsa as your “One Night Stand when you need it”, and/or aerobics workout. Look elsewhere to associate with men who won’t be meeting “new, younger, faster, better models” every week and end up ignoring you, breaking up with you, or worse, physically abusing you in the end.
Aaaaahhhhhhh, those AWESOME male Salseros.
Salseros “have, are, and always will” experience “new, younger, faster, better models” every week – especially the better these men get with their leads, the more women will be attracted to them. They will eventually have free access to the “pick of the crop” – no matter how unattractive (physically) they may be. I’ve known men who scare women with their looks during the day, but have trails of Salseras at their feet at the Salsa night clubs. This is why these guys stay permanently in the Salsa scene. This is one of the few places where they are “Alpha Male Chick Magnets” – because of their phenomenal, World Class leading skills.
Men are basically “out of luck” as far as finding the “woman of their dreams” at a club as well. Even if they do, there are so many women chasing them, that being “true to only one” is ONE IN A MILLION. The temptation is just too great out there. Trust me, I’ve searched 63 different countries trying to find “The One” who would be true, and there is not a single man out there that can withstand the female pressure after they become great dancers. None. I’ve looked. These gals don’t even care if the men are MARRIED. They just want to be “with” that incredible dancer for one night – married or not.
“The One” is not in the Salsa scene. Many people are beginning to realize this. There are just too many problems with relationships in the Salsa scene. They seem to work at first, then when you dance with better and better people, jealousy starts, possessiveness commences, and then after a while, deep in your mind, it will come to having to choose one or the other. “Salsa” or “him/her”.
As a World Renowned Instructor, I intimidated EVERYONE I danced with. They would tell me that I was too good for most men to handle on the dance floor… or … that I always looked better with the next guy, and the next, and the next, etc. I could never keep a lasting relationship.
It frustrated me, because I “knew” I was the committed type. I “knew” I could make a man happy. I cook, clean, do laundry, iron, keep the house spotless…. but that didn’t seem to matter to these guys that saw me dance. In the beginning a relationship would work, but after a while, the way I danced was just too much for men who were interested in me. There was too much pressure for THEM to match or watch me. It became a battle at times. “Who was better than Who” – that’s what triggered a massive breakup at one point. As an addicted Salsa dancer, much less as an Instructor, it was literally IMPOSSIBLE to keep a man true to me.
After two failed marriages, I’ve chosen only to teach Salsa during the day, and spend my evenings and weekends at home with my wonderful and loving husband, Nick. I no longer social dance anymore; because my husband doesn’t dance. Nick has ZERO interest in ANY FORM of dance. He never had ANY interest what so ever in all his life. He is “perfectly content” with that fact, and very confident with himself. I have asked him if he wanted to learn, but have never forced anything upon him – ever. I love and adore him just the way he is, dancer or not. (and yes, I cook, clean, iron, do laundry, and am the loving wife I ALWAYS wanted to be now!!)
I’ve realized that keeping my personal life out of the social dance scene was the ONLY way I could have a committed, true, and permanent relationship. My husband Nick is NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST intimidated by me, and is TRULY the Alpha Male I used to find only in the Salsa scenes throughout the world. It used to seem like the Salsa scene was the only place I could find Alpha Males because I wasn t anywhere else BUT dancing all the time!
Now, I get my aerobic workouts [Salsa dancing] with my students during the day, and I am completely and totally satisfied with that. Hence, I ve come to realize that, my needing my Salsa FIX is the reason my students have become some of the best dancers around. I have now purposely “created” awesome dancers (students) that I work with and train during the day. I really work my students hard (they’ve told me this – and they STILL keep asking for more lessons!), and I train them to become the BEST- FOR COMPLETELY SELFISH REASONS.
Seriously, I believe the reason why I REALLY and TRULY want my students to get good FAST… is so I can get my SALSA FIX SOONER!!! I “create” and hence surround myself with Alpha Male, World Class Leaders with my male students, and fast, balanced, tight, and light World Class Follows with my female students.
Now I get my Salsa “Fix” during the day when I teach, and still get to have my loving committed relationship with my incredible husband at night and on weekends!
Life could NOT get ANY better than this. .
So my dear “Frustrated Salsera”, it took me twenty years to discover this FACT. Many will refuse to believe me. They haven’t been around as long as I have. .
If you don’t believe me, eventually, over time, you “will” figure it out within your own life circumstances.
But one thing is for sure, and you HAVE to believe me on this one: You “will” find the man of your dreams, because there is nothing more powerful than “Feminine Energy”. Where there is a “will”, there is a “way”.
– Edie, The Salsa FREAK!!
Edie, The Salsa FREAK!! is one of the most recognized and respected Salsa Instructor / Performers in the world. In the past twenty years, she has traveled to 63 countries teaching the world to dance, and has been the first American to teach in 18 of those countries. She now lives in the high mountains of beautiful Colorado with her wonderful husband, Nick. You may contact her at Edie The Salsa FREAK!! Website
Your article about how dancers no longer date within the salsa community caused an amusing stir here in Brisbane, Australia. You inspired a lot of Facebook discussions about relationships in dancing. It’s very incestuous here. I haven’t read the article in a while but from what I remember there was only one thing that I felt you left out (or didn’t address fully): when it comes to cheating, the girls are _just_ as bad as the guys. Last year I was cheated on by 3 different girls, one after the other – all in the dance scene. I vowed never to date a dancer again JQ