Hi Edie, This is such an excellent site. OK I have been with my partner for a long time now and we have always been together in our dancing. We started together, we progressed together, we made mutual friends and our life has been great in almost all other areas of our relationship.
Lately however this has all begun to change. She seems to be wanting to move on in the relationship, settle down and so on and is generally now much less addicted, almost over it so to speak. I on the other hand have just as much fire and enthusiasm as ever. Now we do all the couple things, movies, beach trips, holidays etc but when it comes to dancing shes just not as eager. She naturally is ready to have children and start a family and just move on I guess.
The problem is this. She feels that if she ‘quits’ or takes a break that our social life is over. That if she does not go out with me, then its not right that I go out by myself to dance and Salsa fix with other ‘women’. Even if its only say twice a week. She says she is but then jealousy takes over. She trusts me, we trust each other and I have never given her a reason not to. The issue is I guess she just doesn’t trust the other girls.
How do I tell her that its all in her head and that I love her so much? I just want to be able to continue my beautiful relationship with my just as passionate desire to keep improving my dance. Finally there is the issue of all these feelings made worse because of her feeling ‘sick’ of the scene. I guess where I live, there are so many more competent female dancers than there are males and so she spends alot of the night ‘waiting around’ for a dance, some nights not dancing at all. Please give me some advice from the wisdom of a female! Thanks Edie, all the best, Confused Salsero
Dear “Confused Salsero”.
You have a choice. If you stay with her, your desire to go dancing will overwhelm you, and eventually you will resent her. When we try and stop our partners from doing something they love, eventually the pot will boil over – in a big, BAD way. And when sheâ€™s out of town, or asleep while youâ€™re outâ€¦ put it this way, when the cat’s away, the mice will play.
If both of you are starting to separate from the dance, you will eventually separate from each other in life.
Her jealousy is very valid. It may not be YOU she’s worried about. Trust me, itâ€™s the other women that BOTH OF YOU should be worried about. Sometimes, a “taken” man is more appealing than an “available” man. Usually, deceitful women (who donâ€™t care â€“ called female PLAYERS in my book) are very cunning. They seduce subtly. They have great personalities, and are usually attractive. They will make you feel like you’re their “best friend”. After a while, this friendship between you leads to the infamous “one thing led to another” syndrome, and before you know it you’ve cheated on your significant other, without even realizing it.
The deceitful woman (Female Player) will buy you a few drinks, talk sweet, and oh boy, will sure appear to be so much “better” and “friendlier” and “more your type” than your woman sitting at home thinking of having YOUR kids.
Think about it. What do you value? Whatâ€™s more important? Dancing with hundreds of women every night, or having a family? The two donâ€™t mix very well. You have a choice my friend. The only exceptions that Iâ€™ve seen are popular instructors that teach at nightclubs. However, even THEY donâ€™t want to stay and dance all night. They want to get home to their wives, and I can guarantee you, if their heartâ€™s in the right place (anywhere with each other, together), they are always pondering and contemplating different occupations other than teaching dance for a living.
What I suggest:
a) You either come to a happy medium – an understanding between the two of you about the frequency of your â€œgoing outâ€ all night. (only .01% of couples actually succeed at this)
b) Avoid the inevitable pain and separate for a while.
See how it feels.
If you can live without her, it would be best to break up with her. Bottom line.
Let’s hope you’re in that .01%.
– Edie, The Salsa FREAK!!
Edie The Salsa FREAK!! Website